


Mirrors

by pastelpunkdan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Established Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Panic Attacks, Time Travel, Transportation through a mirror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4415591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelpunkdan/pseuds/pastelpunkdan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living with depression and a panic disorder  is not always the best way to live, and when you admit things that you never would have admitted, things become worst. </p><p>But would you ever want to see what you would be like happy? </p><p>Dan did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while having a panic attack... Fun...

Why was sadness an emotion? Why did I have to feel this way? Why did everyone of my thoughts go everywhere and crazy when I just wanted to be calm and happy?

It was just the way I was made. Depressed.

What depression is, or what the media says it is, is a 'illness' that you will have for a while, but you will get over it if someone says it will be okay and pats your back. 

Depression is really a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It can stay with you for a long time, and without the right help, you can never get over it.

That's where I was right now.

It feels like I'm sinking down a black hole with no end. I was drowning in my own despair and I couldn't stop the flow of tears covering my cheeks. 

Why did I have to be this way. Why couldn't I be okay right now?

Oh wait.

I was never okay. I've always been depressed. Ever since I was a young boy, I felt like I was dying. 

I just buried myself deeper every single day.

I was so done, but I actually saw a light a few years ago. 

The lights name was Phil.

We talked all night and all day, explaining our interest and why we liked them and I liked him and I wasn't so crazy anymore. 

That just leads us to now. 

A few hours ago the house was perfectly calm, like it was right now, or at least how calm it was outside of my mind.

Phil's slim fingers carded through my hair carelessly as we watched the screen in the far side of the room, the bright purples and reds reflecting off our faces as all the lights were off. My eyes just wandered intill I was met with Phil's jaw pointed at the screen, and I just kept my eyes there. 

Phil looked beautiful from all angles and he was just a piece if art that I couldn't get enough off and he just made me smile so much and his laugh was contagious. 

He was perfect, and I wasn't. 

Phil caught me looking at him and as the scared little twat I was I stared down, moving my place away from where I was laid against his legs to sit up, the fear and anxiety that I felt running through my veins as I stared away from him, scared to see his reaction. 

Phil smiled softly, but moved his hands from my hair to place them in his lap. I shook my head. Stupid stupid stupid. I should have never stared at him. 

Phil turned to look at me, a worried expression on his face. His lips were moving fast but I couldn't see them nor hear him as I looked away from him, not wanting to hear how he wanted me to move out and how he never liked me in the first place. 

Phil's hand was placed on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes, looking at him. 

"I'm not going to hurt you", was the only words I needed to hear before I fell into his arms, my face in the crook of his neck as I let out quick breaths. Phil's hands traced patterns into my back and I calmed down but I was still scared. I was scared of what was to come. 

"You can stare at me, Dan. I don't mind", Phil said softly. I nodded, curling my fingers in the hairs that were at the back of his head. 

"I-I th-hought yo-u wou-ld be ma-d", I stuttered out, holding onto him tighter. 

"Dan, I'm fine with it. If it calms you down, it's okay. As long as your not staring at me because you are deeply in love with me then I'm fine with it", Phil laughed, but my blood ran cold. I panicked, moving my fingers from his head to mine. I moved away from his arms and into a ball on the far side of the couch away from him. I gripped my hair tighter, tears running down my face as I did so because it hurt. It hurt so much but I deserved this because I hurt Phil because phil doesn't like me and I like him and he doesn't like putting people down because he feels bad and now I've hurt him and I can't stop panicking panicking panicking.

I could feel Phil's hands on my legs but I shook him off, my leg continuing to push him away even after he was gone. My mind ran over with thoughts on how unfair this was to Phil because I fell in love with him and now he doesn't want to look at me and I can't breathe and the room is closing in and I don't know how long I can do this. I don't know he long I could hold on before I was sucked into the ground again in a pool of sadness. 

"Dan please!", was all I could hear behind all the different voices crowding me head. I desperately grabbed for Phil's hand, and when I couldn't find it I freaked out more. I got up on my shaking legs and moved from the living room, running down the stairs and I to the bathroom. Footsteps were heard behind me but I couldn't look back because it can't be Phil because Phil wasn't here.

The Dan in my reflection was miserable, and you can tell just looking at him. Bloodshot eyes topped of with rumpled hair and chapped lips. I gripped at my hair, looking deep into my eyes as I cried. I cried so hard an I felt dizzy but I could still see and everything was blurry but somehow everything was clear and I didn't know what to do. 

I moved my hands from my hair to touch the mirror, but underneath my fingers wasn't cold, it was tingly. 

I looked closely at the mirror, pressing my fingers to the glass to see what would happen, and when my finger disappeared, I became shocked. 

I was suddenly aware of everything around me, the pounding on the door as Phil begged me to let him in, the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of the room, the toothbrushes on the corner of the counter. The shock of on my face as the mirror showed off my reaction. I stepped forward again, pressing my hand to the glass to see it go through. I bit my lip, aware that if Phil opened the door right now, he would of thought I was crazy.

I was already crazy in my eyes, so I must be crazy to him as well.

I climbed into the counter, making sure my feet didn't slip into the sink before I pressed my hands and knees into the mirror, and then I was in. 

I honestly didn't know what I was expecting, but this was the last thing.

I was on the floor, in my bathroom.

I sighed, climbing up off the floor. I must have fallen asleep on the floor and woke up now. Walking to the door, I opened it to see no one there. Phil must have left a few minutes ago, probably done with me.

I walked up the stairs, looking inside the living room, but it looked different. 

The furniture and decorations were the same, but it felt different. It had this warm aurora to it, and I was suddenly confused. 

I looked around one more before looking in the kitchen, and it looked the same, but the aurora was still there. I huffed, moving to my room. Phil must be in his, so he wouldn't want to speak to me because he thinks I'm weird.

I opened the door, and I was shocked. Instead of the filth that I am use to with dirty clothes and sad poems everywhere, it was clean and it looked like no one touched it. I furrowed my eyebrows, sitting on the bed as I soaked in what I was feeling. 

A knock on the door brought me out of my thinking, and I panicked. What did Phil want. It had to be Phil. 

"Hey Dan", Phil said, as he opened the door. I looked up to him with furrowed eyebrows, and then I became confused. 

Phil looked worried, but he was wearing different clothes, well, lack thereof, and his hair was a bit different and tossed around. I gripped the blankets around me tighter, looking down. 

"What are you doing in here. When you come home you always come to my room", Phil explained, and I looked at him again, clearly confused. What was he talking about? Why would I come to his room? 

"Are you mad at me", we both said at the same time. Phil looked taken back, but moved towards me, sitting on the bed. 

"Why would I be mad at you? You didn't do anything?" Phil said. I looked down, a blush covering my cheeks.

"I basically told you that I loved you", I whimpered, and now Phil looked confused. 

"Well I hope you loved me, we are dating", Phil laughed, and I looked up in alarm, moving away from him. 

"Dan what's wrong?" Phil asked, and I whimpered, looking away. 

"Dan you are really scaring me are you okay?" He asked, and I looked up at him, but my lip. 

"We are not dating", I stated, and I could visibly see the hurt on Phil's face. I ran up to him, holding his arms.

"Phil, we are not dating", I said again, and Phil nodded his head moving away from me.

"I get it, you don't love me anymore and you want to break up, I totally get it", Phil cried, and I shook my head, opening my mouth to speak before the front door opened, and I tensed up.

"Phil I'm home!" Was heard from the front part of the house, and Phil looked at me with so much confusion and hurt before he walked out of the room and went to the lounge. 

I fixed the bed before I moved to the door, and when I walked into the hallway, I could see Phil in the hallway, someone behind his back.

"Who are you?" Phil asked, and I shook my head, looking down.

"I'm Dan Howell, 22 year old living in London, England", I stated, and suddenly Phil looked suprised, turning around to let the person behind him come out.

To say I was surprised was an understatement. 

I ran up to him, looking at him in awe. The man did the same, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"You're Dan? I'm Dan!" He explained, and I stared at him with shock. 

"It explains why I thought we were dating. You guys are the same person just a few years apart", Phil said. I nodded my head, letting Phil take me to the lounge, older dan following behind us. 

"How did you get here?" Phil asked with older Dan following after him, older Dan sitting in his lap. I blushed, sitting I the couch after they did. 

"Well, I'm not really sure, but I think it has to do with a mirror", I explained, and Dan nodded his head.

"What was happening before?" Dan asked, and I shivered, but started to explain. 

"My Phil and I were watching a movie and I freaked out because he caught me staring at him and I had a panic attack and then he cuddled me but made a dick move and said 'you can stare at me as long as you are not in love with me' and I started panicking again and the rest of it is a blur", I replied, looking at the two men beside me. 

"I remember that", Phil suddenly stated, and older Dan nodded his head, looking at Phil. 

"That's when Phil told me he loves me", Dan smiled, holding Phil's hand. I stared in shock, looking at their hands.

"So if I didn't go through the mirror, then Phil and I would be together right now!" I asked, and they both nodded their heads, but Phil looked at me.

"You said you forgot what happened next." Phil pointed out, and I blushed, looking down.

"Oops? Plus you might have not believed me so", I explained. 

"A younger version of myself is in my living room... I think we would have believed you", older Dan chuckled, and I smiled, nodding my head. 

"Do you think the mirror will bring me back?" I asked, and Dan shurgged, but got up, making his way to the bathroom.

"One way to check", he winked, and I followed him to the bathroom, opening the door. 

Before Phil could come in, Dan closed the door, giving him the one minute hand. I stared at him, and he looked at me, worried. 

"Do you still have panic attacks?" I asked, and Dan nodded his head, gripping onto my shoulders.

"Phil really helps with them, though. He helps me, and then sleeps beside me to make sure in okay. When I need space, he lets me have it. When I'm scared, he cancels all his plans to be with me. They are better now, but please, keep him with you. Don't loose Phil", he smiled, and I nodded my head, smiling.

"Thank you", I said, and he nodded his head this time, turning me around. 

"Also be prepared for this to happen when you are 24", Dan laughed, and I turned my head around, looking at him. 

"Let's just say I pressed my hands to the mirror the same way you did", he laughed, and I bit my lip, shaking my head as I waved at him, stepping into the mirror. 

When I hit the floor, everything was silent for a second before reality hit, and the pounding on the door was louder, and the clothes pile was still there, and the tooth brushes were beside me on the floor. 

I smiled to myself, standing up to open the door. When Phil saw me, and I saw him, I couldn't hold back my tears. Phil's cheeks were red, and his eyes were bloodshot and he just looked like he was crying forever. 

I wrapped my arms around him, burying my head into his neck as he gripped onto my back. 

"I love you Dan! It was a joke I was scared and I'm so sorry I never meant for this to happen an-" Phil whispered, but I just shook my head, putting my finger to his lips. 

"I love you too", I smiled, and he grinned, pressing his nose to mine. I tilted me head, pressing my lips to his in a quick kiss. 

"That was brave, bear! What happened in that bathroom", Phil smiled against my lips. I grinned, pressing my lips to his again. 

"Let's just say the mirror spoke to me", I smiled. Phil rolled his eyes, taking me back to the lounge to continue the movie we were watching.


End file.
